Perhaps this wasn't the best book to have read

Have you read this book? I hadn't heard of it until this weekend at a girlfriends place. She says it's like a bible. I checked it out, and in many aspects it seems like I'm doing everything right. I'm certainly no doormat.

There is a bit of advice in there that says a girl should not be available at the last minute. If he calls at the last minute, do not be available. Then, like a good boy he will wonder where you are, who you are with and will in future book your precious time in advance. Sage advice perhaps.

Perhaps not.

I have a lover with whom it is understood that we don't make plans in advance. If the mood strikes and time is available, we meet. Does that make me a door mat? Over accommodating?

Perhaps in a conventional relationship where the proceedings are intended to lead to a committed relationship. But the relationship that I have with this man isn't conventional by any means. I wouldn't say it's a booty call either. It's a committed non-committal relationship and it's been going on for a long time. Years in fact.

It's been great for me and my personal situation actually. But, something has changed. Perhaps I am more available emotionally now. Perhaps this man's wonderful qualities have burrowed into my heart. I guess I am a typical woman, because despite my best efforts to remain emotionally disengaged, I cringe to say it, but I want "more".

God held me, I started reading that book as if it were actually going to help me get more out of the guy. I felt kind of ill actually implementing my experiment.

My experiment went like this:

He and I had planned to meet some friends for drinks. They had to cancel. He wrote "they cancelled, talk later". I wondered if we were still on to meet so texted him "are we still meeting".

He did not text back....so I gave it a few hours and still no text. I thought back to the "doormat" thing and wondered if I should cancel. I also wondered why I was wondering if we were still meeting. I hadn't heard otherwise so why wouldn't we still be meeting? Then the stupid book came back to mind and I got afraid that I actually WAS a doormat. So, I cancelled.

Did he call or text to re-schedule with me? No.

Has he called me? Yes but I missed the call.

Has he made any effort since that day to re-schedule? No.

What's going on here?

That book said he would!

What's going on here I think is this:

I would have been better off not playing the stupid game - which is what if felt like - I didn't really want to cancel, I wanted assurance that we'd still meet. Assurance that he wanted to see me despite not meeting with the friends.

I could have texted him; "I need to know if we still plan to get together tonight because if not there are other things I can do, but would love to see you as planned".

Maybe then I would have gotten the assurance I needed. Instead, I simply cancelled on him in order to avoid being cancelled on. How retarded is that?!

Perhaps I have read the advice incorrectly. Perhaps the advice only applies to conventional dating. I don't know, but I would love to hear your two cents worth.

Insightful Dating From Male Perspective

Can you see the link?
It should be there right under the title.
Okay, I checked and you can't see it under the title, which is the 'link" part...
Nevermind ( I clearly have blogging homework to do), you can see it here:


http://www.theonion.com/articles/horrified-man-looks-on-powerlessly-as-he-ruins-dat,18478/


The Onion is of course, funny.

This one is very funny from our perspective seeing a male perspective.
Enjoy the insight girls.
Best and Love you guys.

C&M

Not Quite A Fire....

The fire wasn't as bad as this image, but I can imagine that if things had gone even slightly differently, I very well may have burned down my dates kitchen.

Remember my Steak and Stripper date? Well we decided to have another date and this time I was to come up with something. Well how could I outdo a steak and stripper? I offered to cook him dinner, he suggested his place and I accepted the invitation. We would have roast beef, brussels sprouts, corn (? - I have no idea why, but the man seems to like his corn), potatoes and of course, Yorkshire Pudding.

I have never made roast beef and Yorkshire Pudding. My ex hated the stuff in a ferocious way.

He- my date - obviously not the ex - picked me up in his...can you believe, Cadillac (he sells cars so on our last date it was a different vehicle - and isn't that kind of exciting?!). He explained, as we headed west to Mississauga,that he had the car because the leather passenger seat wasn't heating. Ergo, why he had this car this particular this evening.
I had a boyfriend who's dad drove a Cadillac back in high school. That was the last time I've ever been in one. I knew what kind of car it was from the steering wheel decal and my Vanity Fair reading has shown me the print ride of the new ones) I have never really designed to be in a Caddy, but if your gentleman date is driving one, it's probably best ot play it somewhat cool. Which is what I tried to do, without showing any disappointment that my side of the vehicle was malfunctioning all things luxury. I almost said "I do hope the door will open manually". But I'm not quite that witty on the spot.

For all my glibness, you should know that it was fucking fun and exciting and I'm usually the girl in the Smartcar.

So we arrived at his home in Mississauga, which is like a distant city for this downtown girl.,
Not surprisingly, his home was rather large and he once inside, this perfect gentleman showed me the giant roast I was to cook. The thing was HUGE, and looked both ridiculous and delicious. I hoped that I did also. All I had brought was my Joy of Cooking and a lot of hope.

We'd met online and had been on the Steak and stipper date, and here he was, now offering me an out:
"We could go out or get take out."

Nice man. Or was he challenging me? Or perhaps he thought me mad to cook on second date? Or was he ribbing me?

I said I'd cook and cook I would.
I admitted that it was an indulgence...my own kind of strip club.

He showed me where all the stuff was and then he was off to his hockey game.

So there I was in this mans newly renovated suburban kitchen with a giant roast that I had no idea how to cook. I figured out the cooking time using my limited math skills and the Joy of Cooking. It certainly wasn't difficult. I heated up the oven and put the roast in. I opened the oven door twenty minutes later, just to ensure that it was actually going to roast. Using a tea towel in place of oven mitt's which I couldn't find. Then I closed the oven door, put the tea towel on the counter and went outside to have a cigarette. When I came back in, there was a strange smell and smoke everywhere. I thought at first there were some chemicals inside the new oven that were burning and ruining my roast! But no, the tea towel was aflame on the granite counter. Thank god it was granite and not travertine or even wood. I scooped up the burning towel and threw it into the sink, thus extinguishing the fire. I opened the windows and tried to encourage the smoke to clear. Which it did by the time my date returned from his game.

From there everything went well. The roast roasted, I made a delicious proper gravy using the pan drippings and some wine. And I made Yorkshire Pudding. They turned out perfect thank you very much!

The rest of the date went very well too. We enjoyed some nice wine with dinner then talked and fooled around a bit on one of his many sofas. It was an enjoyable night. And I didn't burn his kitchen down! When I told my date the firey dramatic part of my cooking, he opened up the drawer and said "I showed you there were oven mitts". I looked again at the square bits of fabric that were not oven mitts, they were squares of super fiber to protect your counter. I understood then that a girl can do anything if she sets her mind to it, and brings her own  oven mitts!

Fire Alarm

Okay, so my therapist said, "date a normal guy." WTF does that mean??? Well I met one. A normal guy that is. At least he seems normal so far.
We met, wait for it, online. Yup. I've succumbed. His name is Smith and he's a fire fighter. So maybe "normal" isn't quite right. After all how normal is a person who has no fear of running into a burning building? Normal is isn't, but hot it is.
And so was Smith. All those fireman calendars are about right. He is totally fit. So we chatted over wine. I did most of the talking because that's what I do when I'm nervous and drinking. Wine + nervous = blathering fool.
But he laughed in all the right places. Noticed my biceps. What's with policeman and fireman clocking my arms???  Note to all women: Men dig toned arms as much as we do.
It all went swimmingly. He suggested a one hour date. I assume in case we had nothing to discuss and weren't attracted to each other. But when the one hour mark arrived he asked if I wanted another drink. I reminded him of his need to be elsewhere but he said he could wait longer. So we ordered. We drank and then he paid and walked me to car. Though unlike horny Boston PD, Fireman Smith did not kiss me. No moves. He was very polite and gentlemanly. Which now that I think of it is rather nice. Though last night I admit to disappointment.
He wants to have dinner. I said yes. Maybe I will get kiss.

In the meantime, another man from another land may visit. We shall see. Men. They so often disappoint.