Have you read this book? I hadn't heard of it until this weekend at a girlfriends place. She says it's like a bible. I checked it out, and in many aspects it seems like I'm doing everything right. I'm certainly no doormat.
There is a bit of advice in there that says a girl should not be available at the last minute. If he calls at the last minute, do not be available. Then, like a good boy he will wonder where you are, who you are with and will in future book your precious time in advance. Sage advice perhaps.
Perhaps not.
I have a lover with whom it is understood that we don't make plans in advance. If the mood strikes and time is available, we meet. Does that make me a door mat? Over accommodating?
Perhaps in a conventional relationship where the proceedings are intended to lead to a committed relationship. But the relationship that I have with this man isn't conventional by any means. I wouldn't say it's a booty call either. It's a committed non-committal relationship and it's been going on for a long time. Years in fact.
It's been great for me and my personal situation actually. But, something has changed. Perhaps I am more available emotionally now. Perhaps this man's wonderful qualities have burrowed into my heart. I guess I am a typical woman, because despite my best efforts to remain emotionally disengaged, I cringe to say it, but I want "more".
God held me, I started reading that book as if it were actually going to help me get more out of the guy. I felt kind of ill actually implementing my experiment.
My experiment went like this:
He and I had planned to meet some friends for drinks. They had to cancel. He wrote "they cancelled, talk later". I wondered if we were still on to meet so texted him "are we still meeting".
He did not text back....so I gave it a few hours and still no text. I thought back to the "doormat" thing and wondered if I should cancel. I also wondered why I was wondering if we were still meeting. I hadn't heard otherwise so why wouldn't we still be meeting? Then the stupid book came back to mind and I got afraid that I actually WAS a doormat. So, I cancelled.
Did he call or text to re-schedule with me? No.
Has he called me? Yes but I missed the call.
Has he made any effort since that day to re-schedule? No.
What's going on here?
That book said he would!
What's going on here I think is this:
I would have been better off not playing the stupid game - which is what if felt like - I didn't really want to cancel, I wanted assurance that we'd still meet. Assurance that he wanted to see me despite not meeting with the friends.
I could have texted him; "I need to know if we still plan to get together tonight because if not there are other things I can do, but would love to see you as planned".
Maybe then I would have gotten the assurance I needed. Instead, I simply cancelled on him in order to avoid being cancelled on. How retarded is that?!
Perhaps I have read the advice incorrectly. Perhaps the advice only applies to conventional dating. I don't know, but I would love to hear your two cents worth.
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